By 
Now, I hate going to work. I really do. We all do. If you like going to work you’re an asshole. Unless you love your job where you have flexible hours, eat bacon, and throw footballs around (Scotts…).
For the third time in a row this week I have ran into the same three challenges. Three booby traps if you will. Luckily I had my book that my dad wrote on how to survive walking from my apartment, to the el, to work.
1.)
I fucking hate these things. Full of germs. My mom had one and I was scared of it.
First on my trek southbound on the Redline from Belmont was this bastard of a carry on taking up an entire seat. The train was full, and I wanted a seat. But no, this purse full of used condoms from the owners previous job interview, which failed because she wouldnt let the boss of the company sit in his own chair because this purse was there, was playing defense on the CTA. In order to combat this, I dove under the purse and sat in the seat.
2.
Hmm!
Upon exiting at the Chicago stop, I went to the Starbucks. Typically I get my iced coffee incredibly fast, because the service is amazing! But not today. Oh no. Some yuppie was apparently having issues paying four dollars for a 13 shot venti soy hazelnut vanilla cinnamon white mocha with extra white mocha and caramel. And then wanted to know how much decaf there was in her coffee. What the hell!?? All I wanted was my cup of coffee that cost 2 dollars! Thats it. The people at starbucks love me because I am easy and simple with no strings attached. So what do I do, I draw on the floor tiles G-E-T-T-H-E-F-U-C-K-O-U-T and proceed to stomp my way on each tile (so the yuppie can see me) to the register.
Finally, the most hazardous of all traps was this.
3.
Public Enemy #1 in Chicago
Upon crossing the intersection of Michigan and Chicago, I was halted by a group of tourists take a photo. Thats not the annoying part. The annoying part was that they were taking a photo of an alley. AN ALLEY! That have those everywhere! What makes Chicago different? I waited for about 20 seconds, look at my phone, and realized I was about 5 minutes late to work (see #2) and took a leap of faith right in the middle of there impromptu photo shoot.
Well at least, I have Last Crusade on the big screen to look forward too.
