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A big reason I love reeeaaalllyy liberal cities is because they’re the only places gay people are allowed to be boring, real people. In smaller towns and rural areas, us straights have relegated “gay-friendly” places to be pretty much solely shirtless, muscular dudes covered in glitter as bass and strobe lights wash over the crowd. They have fuckin awesomely hysterical names like “The Manhole,” “Mineshaft,” and “The Tool Shed.”
He's sparkling. Must be a Twilight vampire.
BUT! In the “big city,” homosexuals can be just stupid ‘ole regular people, like us.
Take, for instance, our fair city of Chicago. A quick google search showed a number of gay sports bars, ranging from “Crew,” which is hosting a chili cookoff on January 29th, or Avenue Tavern, which has the best Martini specials of pretty much any sports bar I’ve ever heard of.
While these bars go a great distance in showing how the gay community is EXACTLY like the larger community as a whole, that is, by no means, any reason to stop having really fucking awesome and funny names. Straight bar names are dumb, gay bars are supposed to have cool, hip, kitschy names.
That said, here is a list of what I think would be super-cool gay sports bar names. And I know, I know, you’re thinking “Hey Mike, you really shouldn’t be finding humor in this subject because you don’t know what it’s like to be a sports fan.” True, I don’t, but as I’ve matured into an adult, I find myself occasionally checking the score of the Bulls game, or reading Matt Taibbi articles, or expressing a genuine curiosity in the Cubs bullpen. So, don’t worry, it’s not offensive at all.
Super-Cool Gay Sports Bar Names
The Longest Yard
Hit the Lockers
Two-Hand Touch
the Choke-Up
Knuckleballers
Adam & Steve & Barry’s
Big ‘Ole Veiny Vick
Eligible Receiver
Easy Lay-up
The 6th Man
Forward Progress
the Neutral Zone
Special Teams
3 – on – 3
Pick-Up Game
Slow Lob
Stiff Arm
and finally…
Hey, Any Gay Guys Like Hockey?
For more information on stereotype-breaking homosexual leisure time, visit regularguys.org , or just walk around asking really jock looking strangers if they’re gay. Eventually, you’re bound to be right.
In the interest of fairness, you can add your own bar names in the comments. But rather than gay sports bars, please only list names for straight guy-only dance clubs. Thank you.
