By 
Ophiuchus is also known as Serpentarius which is totally bad-ass.
This is it guys. This is our chance to change the type of people we are and blame it on nonsense! The zodialogical* world is on it’s head and none of it matters! If you haven’t heard, the zodiac signs we’ve all been following for the past thousands of years have just been bitch-slapped in the dick edited. There are new dates and a whole new sign: Ophiuchus [of-ee-yoo-kuh
s]. Argue all you want, but that’s the way it be now. You only need look below for your new sign.
Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11
Pisces: March 11-April 18
Aries: April 18-May 13
Taurus: May 13-June 21
Gemini: June 21-July 20
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23-29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20
He was totally in Zodiac (wink)
Now I don’t think anyone should be freaking out about these small changes. Jake Gyllenhaal certainly isn’t and neither am I. My transfer from the Taurus department to the Aries department is much welcomed! I love change, it’s healthy and promotes growth. For instance, as a Taurus I was prone to be self-indulgent, stubborn, romantic, and loyal. Fuck that I guess. Now, as an Aries, I am a born leader! A person who’s fearlessness is often mistaken for arrogance and who’s courage is unmatched! RAWR! I am awesome so, either way, this makes sense to me.
Nicholas James Mikula, on the other hand, is a different story. He was an Aquarius who are usually known for their vision, intellect and humanity. Nick is not known for any of these things. Lucky for him he’s a Capricorn now, which means he should be hard working? Maybe. Enjoys team sports? Probably not. Organized and efficient? No.
Lovable idiot.
What does this mean? Well, nothing actually, zodiac signs are useless. Technically none of this even applies to anyone born before 2009 so whatever. Stupid ancient Babylonians.
*Not a word.
