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Well, this is it. According to reputable human beings everywhere, the Rapture is coming this Saturday. (But of course you had already marked your calendar for it, hadn’t you?) The apparent Geocities site in disguise that I’ve linked to describes how on May 21, 2011, Jesus will take everyone off of this planet and bring them to heaven (which presumably means he needs to kill everyone in the process.) OK, so maybe not everybody. A lucky 3,000,000 people will be saved, but the rest of us get to party back here on Earth for another 5 months! The bad news is that October 21 is the official date of the End of the World (all caps, so you know they mean business). The good news is that, while 3 million people are getting sick of dining on angel food cake and Sierra Mist in heaven,
The remaining people on earth that are not saved by Jesus in the May 21 Rapture will be sentenced to 5 months of torment under the rule of Jesus during the End of Days*. The End Times will cause anarchy, chaos, disasters, and the end of civilization as we know it.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU…
Something tells me that in the last 5 hellish months of Earth’s existence, I’m not going to be able to do a whole lot of stuff for myself. The bummer is that I’ve spent so much of 2011 reading the entire Wheel of Time series, I’m going to shift into damnation mode with so many things still left on my life’s checklist. For instance, I’ve never:
- Fired a gun
- Been outside of the country
- Gone skydiving
- Built that second mosaic that I’ve been saving all of those bottle caps for
- Learned how to play the theramin
- Successfully completed a Sunday New York Times crossword without cheating slightly
- Participated in a riot
- Played Portal 2
- Finished building my underground Rapture shelter
Oh well. At least I’ll still probably get to watch the Cubs finish out their season, as long as the Rapture doesn’t destroy WGN.
*Wink
