By 
Gross!
At a very early stage in my relationship with my girlfriend–to protect her identity, we’ll call her Flobbin–I discovered she hated puppets, and especially Muppets. She thought they were gross and disgusting and never wanted to watch them.
“Well, this is doomed.” I thought, “Those are all my best make out movies.”
Luckily for me, I was wrong. Dating Flobbin has been great. But I still have unanswered questions.
It’s been almost a year since I discovered her dislike of Muppets, and when I found out the theme for the week was “Gross”, I thought it’d be a good opportunity to dig deeper and find out what about puppets and Muppets is so gross to Flobbin.
Here is the transcript of my interview:
When did you first get scared of a puppet/Muppet?
Mr. Rogers said we get to play alone together today!
The first time… let me think. I don’t know if it was Mr. Rogers or Lambchop. No, definitely Mr. Rogers. I don’t know the character’s name, but it’s the little puppet boy.
He has rosy cheeks and little arms that are so close together and very short. And he has a very high voice–I think it’s a woman’s voice.
What made him scary, and gross was the fact that he is just so creepy looking. I’m afraid of smaller things. The fact that he could come up on you at any time. And move around really fast back and forth. The combination of the movements and the voice that was really creepy.
He would interact with the King of the Castle and the Kingdom–All the puppets were creepy, but that’s the first one I can remember hating.
What’s that movie, not Secret Garden, but something similar. It was about a girl whose father told her that her dolls were alive when she wasn’t looking. Her father died, and after his death she would always try to catch the dolls moving by turning around quickly or pretending to leave the room. That stuck with me, that little plush figures would be moving when I’m not looking.
What’s the grossest thing about puppets?
The fact that… the one that I think of, the actual Muppet, that tiny one… Rizzo the Rat! He really creeps me out. Because of the size, because they can just creep up you. And I’m just freaked out. What if that little guy’s behind you and just creeping up. They could do the least damage because they’re small, but they scare me the most.
What is your reaction when you see a puppet/Muppet?
If I can go away from it, then I try to. If it’s just me, I change the channel. If I have to actually watch it, I just make disgusted faces and I try to look away. I think of the Cosby Show where he ate a Hoagie and what you eat for dinner gives you nightmares and he met different Muppet characters, and I had dreams about it and stuff after it. I mean, I watched it, because sometimes stuff that freaks you out or is so bizarre–you have to watch it, because you can’t stop. I try not to watch those things, but I guess that one… I had to watch.
Did you ever watch Sesame Street?
Yeah, but only a little bit.
I watched Grandpa’s Magical Toy Land.
(Author’s note: What? Grandpa’s Magical Toy Land? Is that a real thing?)
Which toys does this fear extend to?
It is mostly things you can control, like put your hand in or whatever. I’m also freaked out by porcelain dolls or things. When I was younger I had baby dolls and I loved them and named them, but I still thought other dolls were creepy, like if I saw them in a thrift store.
My personal fears are more like snakes and astroid colision, but it’s always good to be exposed to different opinions. For now, my copy of Muppets Take Manhattan will stay dusty on the shelf..
