By Cloud on January 21, 2011

This week, Chicago is all a-bustle in anticipation of Sunday’s NFC title game against the Packers. In our latest podcast, we touched on how girls usually don’t know all the in’s and out’s of football, and guys don’t like to take the time to explain.

What are football?

With the big game coming up, I set out on a quest to learn more about the Bears players, the team’s history, and football in general. I hit up the Bears’ website and have been reading bunches of articles. One thing I couldn’t help but notice, however, is that Chicago has some damn sexy football players. I mean, yea, the Bears aren’t known for being pretty and they are monsterbeasts on the field. But with helmets off, some of these dudes are MAJOR babes. Allow me to elaborate…

Greg Olsen

Mmmm. Playing tight end for the Bears, this rugged blonde-haired and blue-eyed man is an All-American stud muffin. He was picked up for the 2007 draft, with his playing time gradually increasing since then. He has been the Bears leader in receptions and receiving touchdowns, and he made headlines last week for becoming the first Bears tight end to catch passes for more than 100 yards in the postseason. Fun fact: he was part of an explicit rap group in college, which shows that he has a down and dirty side. He is only 24 years old so it could totally work between us! And based on photos, he gives “tight end” a double entendre. Oh snap!!

Jay Cutler

Quarterback Jay Cutler has that same appeal as Jim from The Office. He just looks adorable and, well, do-able. Mr. Cutler came to the Bears in 2009, he’s a great leader, and has been said to be the “missing link” for the Bears. He is currently on the cover of Sports Illustrated which proves that yelling things in the snow is sexy! He does a lot of great things for the community as well. Many a lady must be jealous of Kristin Cavallari for nabbing this do-able dude.

Lance Briggs

Damnnn Lance Briggs! This man is a major hottie, an amazing linebacker, and one of the NFL’s top defenses. He is a beast of a man at 6’1” and 242 lbs. Lance was originally drafted in 2003 and resigned with a new contract in March 2008. Lance has his own craazy website which instantly plays the Black Eyed Peas (bonus!) and features a whole section on comic books (double bonus!!) Apparently he has a few kids floating around and may have crashed his Lamborghini a while back, but that just makes him all the more badass.

Robbie Gould

Dear Robbie Gould, I want to take you on a late night boat cruise and romance on you. Robbie is the second most accurate kicker in NFL history, the NFL’s highest paid kicker as of 2008, and he pretty much makes it in every single time. He was signed in 2005, and in 2007, Gould kicked a 49-yard field goal in overtime enabling the Bears to win their first divisional playoff game since 1988! Gould also became just the fourth kicker in NFL history to hit game-winning field goals in overtime in back-to-back games. Super cute and super do-able, especially when he’s all determined and angrylike.

Also: Matt Forte and Johnny Knox

Hailing from Louisiana, Matt Forte was drafted in the second round of the 2008 NFL Draft and has been a top rated running back. He says he doesn’t talk trash, but he lets his actions do the talking. I am all about that in a man. And Johnny Knox is a recent draft and wide receiver. He is super fast, has been called a “diamond in the rough,” and is a solid player. Is it just me, or do these descriptions also apply to the bedroom? THANK you!
Close Calls: Brian Urlacher, Brad Maynard, and Hunter Hillenmeyer

I am in awe of their mad skills, but these dudes are a little less do-able for me because I am not in my mid-30’s. These men have all been (or are) married, but are still doable without a doubt.

I hope you have been enlightened by my words of sexiness and football. Ladies: now even if you don’t know what is happening, you can at least check out Robbie Gould’s perfect thighs as he makes those sweet kicks. Thank you for joining me on my journey of do-ability. And as for this Sunday’s game, let us all get sexy and BEAR DOWN!!!!!!