By 
Homeless People. We all see them. Dirty, diseased, cracking their missing-toothed-grins at us as we walk to Starbucks to buy a latte with the five dollars our parents gave us. They need to get their shit together.
Okay, that might be harsh. Having taken a college course actually titled “People In Places” (which covered studying people, and the places that they are in, I shit you not) we spent a great deal of time studying the homeless and how their lack of social connections and various mental disorders and alcohol dependencies led them to a life of being ignored by the scared white teenagers who stare straight ahead as they pass them. This is called a “Social Contract.”
However, in today’s era of mass-marketed off-beat humor, where every fast-food chain cashes in on the “Someone says something awkward, then everyone freezes, then the screen cuts to the sandwich we’re selling” idea of marketing, even the homeless have taken to their own forms of marketing; humorous hobo-signs.
Alcohol research? Pardon me sir, may I see your credentials? I said *credentials*, not *fecal-stained-change-cup.
And as adorable and humorous as these can get, something seems a little off about them. And while perusing the intranets, as I’ve been known to do while not watching The West Wing religiously, I made a striking discovery.
Aww that's funny and eye-catching. I'll give him a dollar.
THIS IS FUCKING HILARIOUS! HOMELESS GUYS WITH MY SENSE OF HUMOR?! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS IS –
Oddly familiar...
WAIT ONE FUCKING SECOND! Homeless guy! You took other homeless guy’s idea! You backstabbing, railcar riding, panhandling, rarely-bathing, strain on the local economy PIECE OF –
This homeless man was made to look like a John Mayer album cover.
GODDAMMIT HOMELESS PEOPLE! I thought you were lovable scamps, not PLAGARISTS! Then it hit me. The fact is the countless homeless people who use signs like this couldn’t have come up with this idea independently of each other. Which means one of two things:
1. There is a vast network of homeless person communication, where they discuss such ideas as what cardboard signs make the most money, what fast food establishments have the best garbage, and where are the raping-est alleys in town, or…
2. Homeless people get on the internet and steal the ideas of other homeless people.
Whichever option it is, Homeless-Americans, get your acts together. I’m onto your game, and it won’t run for long. Besides, I think it’s about time you realize that in the REAL-America, stealing an idea never truly helps you. It will always be stolen from you by a faceless evil corporation. Take, for instance, this T-Shirt being offered by Zazzle.com.
With this, you don't have to buy all that expensive cardboard.
That’s right, for just $17.95, you can buy a concept shirt literally pried from the dirty hands of our country’s least fortunate. Thank you Zazzle, for making the homeless a little bit cooler, and a little more hopeless.
