Gypsies Who Are Impossible To Hate

EDITOR’S NOTE: Below this paragraph of bold font you will find a blog post about a small contingent of people contained within a larger ethnicity. The actions of these people, while rooted in some documented truth, have been widely blown out of proportion by folklore and fiction; we as the writers and editors of a comedy website are taking advantage of these fantasticalized generalizations. We are in no way trying to slight the Romani people, and for those who are curious to learn about their long and storied past I highly recommend that you read up on the matter. If you feel that you may be offended by 22- to 25-year-old college-educated middle-class comedians making a few hasty generalizations, eventually leading to an increased understanding and appreciation for a group of people, I strongly suggest that you read no further.

I hate gypsies. There, I said it. I personally think that gypsies are evil, and in our latest podcast we touched on how terrifying they can be. Now I know this is a generalization, but from my experience with gypsies in Europe, they are just frightening people who steal things and scratch your friends’ arms (yup, that happened). Gypsies will do many things to trick people and steal their things: throw babies, throw puppies, hand you a flower then pickpocket you, or fake commotion and emergencies.

"Come on gypsy, I'm trying to drive here!"

I mean, I don’t think I’m completely in the wrong. Their culture is one that is based entirely on deception and dishonesty! However, I have found a few gypsies that are absolutely impossible to hate:

Charlie Chaplin

Huh? The brilliant silent film legend who is loved world round?! Apparently Charlie Chaplin’s mother, Hannah Smith, was Romanichel (English Gypsy) and his father had Gypsy blood as well. Charlie Chaplin has proven that you can have gypsy blood and be one of the most influential performers and people in the world. No one can resist the adorable Little Tramp with his toothbrush mustache, baggy pants, and bowler hat. If you haven’t seen any good Chaplin lately, watch his famous Table Ballet scene! He has cast a gypsy spell on my heart.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoKbDNY0Zwg

Michael Caine

Connecting with his gypsy roots in Children of Men

Our generation probably knows him best as Alfred the butler in the latest Batman flicks and personally, I love his performance in The Muppet Christmas Carol. Michael Caine is an amazing man, and he has been nominated for an Academy Award for acting every decade from 1960-2000 (Damnnn!) His father was of part Gypsy ancestry, and Michael’s birth name is Maurice Micklewhite. He has noted that it is gypsy tradition to name the eldest son after his father, and he still uses his real name in his personal life. What a talented, non-threatening gypsy!

Bob Hoskins

Could it be spelled out any more?!

My childhood would not have been the same without this man. He is remembered most as Smee in Hook, Eddie Valiant in Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and Mario in 1993’s atrocious/terrific Super Mario Bros. His mother was a German Romani gypsy, and he worked as a fire eater in the circus as a teenager. He even wrote and starred in a film based on gypsy stories from his grandmother. Which leads me to this “apostrophe”…

Maybe ALL gypsies aren’t evil.

Alright, alright. I’ll just direct my hate toward the scary women that wander European trains and hand you creepy poems. Props to you three gentlemen for letting me know that beautiful flowers can bloom from a horrific, dark, dark place. (Seriously though, have you SEEN the movie Thinner?!) So if a gypsy ever throws a baby at your face, don’t just let it drop; instead, catch, tuck and roll, and run away. For I have found today that one of those flying gypsy children could go on to win an Academy Award.