By 
Dr. No: I take pride in my metallic claw hands. Today I fell into a pool of radioactive liquid and cant climb the ladder to get out. I am melting and screaming. FML
Rose Klebb: I love having a poison boot. It’s so much fun. Today I got shot in the lung. FML
Goldfinger: I take great pride in my girth. Today, I accidently shot a bullet through a window of a plane. I got sucked out of the plane, despite said girth. James Bond told Pussy Galore that “I was playing my golden harp.” FML
Number 2: Today I got shot by a harpoon spear….in a wet suit which is not. at. all. flattering. FML
Hans: I like fish! Especially hungry piranhas! Today James Bond flipped me over into the pool of piranhas. They ate me. FML
Blofeld: Today I was riding my tobogan, when James Bond jumped in and pushed me into his a tree. I broke my neck. FML
Dr. Kananga: Today I mocked James Bond for having an “explosive bullet”. He then put it in my mouth. I became a balloon that popped on my own ceiling. FML
Scaramanga: I have three nipples. FML
Old white guy from the Spy Who Loved Me: Today I was enjoying a nice meal when James Bond came in and shot me 7, thats right, 7 times. I started coughing up the trout I was eating and fell off my seat. FML.
Hugo Drax: Fuck yeah! Today I made a space station! I made sure everyone had a space suit except for me. James Bond pushed me out of my space station. I dont have a space….. su…it…bler…..gaahahhaha..ehe F….M…LLL
Older White guy that played General Veers in the Empire Strikes Back and Donovan in the Last Crusade: I stabbed my friend in the back (non-literally). He then stabbed me in the back (literally). FML
Kamal Khan: Today I was flying my private jet, when James Bond pulled the fuel line. My plane is leaking fuel! Oh shit! Is that a…a….a…cliff. FML
Max Zorin: Today I was chasing James Bond with an axe on the Golden Gate bridge. I fell off the bridge. The guy playing James Bond was 57. I got my ass handed to me by a 57 year old. FML
Russian Ambassador: Today I thought I was innocent. I was then told that I would be sent back to RUSSIA! Um, Awesome, right? Wait…hold that phone? In Diplomatic Bags? FML
Sanches: Today I was covered in liquid cocaine/gasoline. James Bond threw a lighter at me. I screamed a lot. FML
Alec Treveyln: Today I thought I would apologize for being a dick to James Bond. I said “For England James?” He said “No, for me.” He then dropped me off a radar tower.FML
Alec Treveyln: Today my best buddy in the word dropped me from a radar tower. My legs are like liquid right now, and my neck really hurts. I then looked up and saw the rest of the radar tower was on fire and was falling towards me. FML
Boris: I am still frozen. No one will touch me. FML
Elliot Carver: Today I made claims that I was better than both God and William Randolph Hearst. Then, James Bond cut me into pieces with a drill. FML
Renard: I feel no pain. There is a bullet lodged into my brain which prevents pain. I should be a lot more cool. I am not. I am also wearing a turtle neck. FML.
Gustav Graves: Today I made an awesome suit that controls a satellite. Right? Then I told my dad that I am still his Korean son (I got new skin, awesome, right?) He didnt recognize me. I killed him. FML
LeCheife: My eye bleeds blood. FML.
Mr. Greene: Today, I decided to control the water supply of Bolivia. I was then told that I am as evil as that guy that cheats at Monopoly. FML.
