Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I’ve been extra good this year because I wanted to make sure I get exactly what I want for Christmas. I know I should do it out of the kindness of my heart and because it’s the “right thing to do” but sometimes that isn’t

A jolly Old Soul

enough motivation to not serenade my roommate at 4am but reenacting the “Bad Romance” music video in his bedroom. I thought being good last year would have gotten me what I was asking for, but you don’t really make the rules of being Santa very clear. Who knew a Santa couldn’t:

• Kill anybody
• Make anybody fall in love with anybody else
• Bring people back from the dead

I thought had had this all figured out when you told me I couldn’t wish for more Christmases. But I guess you don’t make the rules, and I wouldn’t want to get you in any trouble with Mrs. Clause so, here is what I want for Christmas this year:

A human fetal skeleton

I know last year you said you couldn’t kill anyone, but I’ve got this figured out.

http://theevolutionstore.com/store/new-product64

They won’t sell it to me directly because I don’t have a medical license, but I figure you or someone on your staff does so it shouldn’t be a problem. That thing has a million and one uses in my day-to-day activities. I’d tell you more about that but I’d like to stay on the “Nice” list (JK Santa, JK). Besides, I think it will become a bit clearer when we get to number 2 on my list…

A hollowed out Volcano Island

Since you’re always watching me, I’m sure you’ve noticed my budding social life. With all the new henchmen I’ve hired friends I’ve made  it’s starting to get crowded in my tiny house. Think of the great times a bunch of guys like us can have in a hollowed out volcano island. We’d fill it with some cool stuff too; A water slide, room full of trampolines, wall of computers, mad science lab second water slide maybe even a giant table seating 100 men with a fetal skeleton in the center. Just to make sure people can find the place, you should probably carve my face into the side of the volcano.

A land of Joy and Merriment

Your Freedom

I’m not a greedy man, so if you can manage that much for me I’d be glad to use my last wish to set you free. Being Santa for 2010 years must be taking its toll on you so you must be anxious to step down from the position. Once I set you free, I’m sure we can trick some chuckle head into taking over the job. Do we have a deal? If you agree to these terms please eat the Oreos I leave out on the table on Christmas Eve.

Love D7