By 
Britney Time!
I know a lot of people out there have recently been mislead to believe that the once heartthrob turned sex diva, Britney Spears, has died. Let me quell this rumor now! Brittany Spears is not actually dead. I know that many people out there, including myself, have been having dreams in a reality where Britney Spears is dead.
The common dream is that Britney Spears has died and left her fortune to a 300 pound crocodile that she lived with (who was likely the source of her demise). These dreams are false, and people should be aware that Britney Spears is still alive.
Many people may be sad to hear the news that Britney Spears is not actually dead, due to the wonderful reality that exists during the dreams in which Britney Spears is nothing more than a corpse. Many people have found themselves saying things like “I wish Britney Spears were dead! Not because I don’t like her, but because of what it could do for the economy!” and “Britney Spears has to die if we ever want terrorism to cease. It’s just common sense.” These quotes, among others, ring loud the voice of hope for a better tomorrow.
But unfortunately for the betterment of the world we live in, Britney Spears is still alive. We, as people of this great nation, do not get to experience the glory that would be Earth without Britney Spears. We must soldier on in this rough economy and this scary, scary world.
This update is in no way meant to urge people to go out and hunt down Britney Spears. We do not want people to go and kill Britney Spears, which would be the one act that would be a sure fire way to end world hunger. We hope nobody goes out and murders Britney Spears for the hope (and likely outcome) that the world would become a utopia.
