By Cloud on June 25, 2011

There has been a lot of trash talkin’ on the Octavarius website this week, leading up to our Crosstown Classic themed show this Sunday. I would like to look past the ancient hatin’ between Cubs and Sox fans, and focus on some lovin’. You may recall my previous post about the most do-able Chicago Bears players. Today, the series continues as I check out them sexy Chicago baseball players and their outstretched limbs (so many pictures of outstretched limbs!!!)

Up at bat, my top three dudes on the South Side…

Alex Rios

Alex Rios is a sexy Puerto-Rican American outfielder for the Sox with great form… as a catcher too. He originally played for the Toronto Blue Jays and was known as a “five-tool player.” I don’t know about you, but I am always impressed by a man who excels at base-running skills and speed (ohhh!) In 2007, he was awarded with a Fielding Bible Award as the best fielding right fielder in the MLB, and he was claimed off waivers by the Chicago White Sox in 2009. Alex Rios once got into a shouting match with a fan, but whatever; it shows that he is a sensitive man with raw emotion. He was off to a slow start, but has been doing better lately. The only turn-off is that he has one son and I am not ready to deal with that. Find me in like 8 years, Alex… 8 years.

Paul Konerko

Paul Konerko was almost traded this year, but he remains captain of the White Sox and the face of the team… and the face of my homemade Valentine (shhh). He recently hit five home runs in five consecutive games. Konerko is a first baseman who has played for the Sox since 1999, and helped the Sox win the 2005 World Series. As of last Wednesday, he was second in the American League with a .331 batting average. Also, he was tied for the home run lead with 21 home runs and second with 59 RBI’s. But enough NUMBERS; he is Polish and Italian, just like me! Too bad that Konerko got married in 2004 and has two sons. He was quoted once after a game saying, “We just stayed aggressive and kept swinging.” Persistence = hotness always, even for old dudes.

Omar Vizquel

Mr. Omar Vizquel is a Venezuelan MLB shortstop and third baseman for the White Sox. He is an amazing shortstop, currently in his 23rd MLB season, and no joke, his nickname is “Little O.” But his sexy nickname is only the beginning. Not only is he considered one of baseball’s all-time best fielding shortstops; he has had 95 consecutive games without error, won nine consecutive Gold Gloves, and he has written a book entitled, Omar! My Life On and Off the Field. This has inspired me to name my future autobiography, Lisa! Exclamation Point! Omar is all about community service, arts education, volunteering, and donating to charities, and everyone knows all that stuff is the ultimate lady turn-on. Omar is married, but that doesn’t change the fact that he is a gorgeous, statuesque man of perfection.

And now for that North Side action you’ve been waiting for…

Alfonso Soriano

Soriano is a MLB outfielder for the Cubs and a classy looking man. He has had quite an adventure – from playing for the Yankees and setting sweet records, to the Texas Rangers, and then the Washington Nationals before the beloved Cubbies. 2006 was his best year, and he joined the 40-40 club in September 2006 for accumulating 40 home runs and 40 stolen bases in a single season. Alfonso, if you were like still in your twenties, you could steal all FORTY of MY bases. I said it. Soriano is worth big money, as his eight-year contract marked the most expensive deal in Cubs’ franchise history. On a fun note, Soriano was featured in a WWE skit! Too bad that he has a fam and six children (all of whom names begin with A).

Carlos Pena

Carlos, have you been with as many ladies as you have teams? Be honest. You adorable, Dominican, left-handed first baseman, you. Carlos Pena has played with the Texas Rangers, Oakland Athletics, Detroit Tigers, Boston Red Sox, and Tampa Bay Rays. He was signed to the Cubs with a one-year deal for 10 million dollars, which means he could totally take me to The Melting Pot five nights a week followed by a private rooftop garden where I get serenaded by Billy Joel. He is a super nice guy, donates to charity, and does community service. He has one son, but ladies, he is still searchin’ for a ladymate for life.

Blake DeWitt

Born in 1985, Blake DeWitt is only a few years older than me! He is the second baseman for the Chicago Cubs and hails from Missouri where he broke records left and right at his high school. When faced with the decision to play professional baseball or go to college, he chose B-B-Baseball! A man who follows his heart and his dream – I can totally dig on that. Blake DeWitt was traded to the Cubs just one year ago. That much accomplishment at such a young age makes all the ladies in Wrigley say, “HEYYY!”

"HEYYY!!!!!"

And thus concludes my search for the sexiest of Chicago’s ball players. We may not have the dreamboats of those fancy schmancy cities like NEW YORK or BALTIMORE, but we’ve got some real keepers and some real cuties. So even if you can’t tell a ninth inning from a batting average, you can at least check out Philip Humber’s perfect legs in this photo:

…And that’s just enjoyable for all Chicagoans, North and South. Remember to check out the Octavarius Crosstown Classic Show, this Sunday at 7pm! Keep roundin them bases and stayin’ sexy.