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This post is inspired by our Crosstown Classic Baseball themed show. We’re trying to understand the mindset of the rivalry. You can also read a post about Sox fans, or listen to a new Cubs theme song, “Bear Down, Chicago Cubs“.
In my time in this great city i have encountered a lot of human waste, but none were as sad and depressing as Cubs fans.
Now in preparation for this post I did a little research and found out that the Chicago Cubs ARE in fact a Major League baseball team and not a group of retarded cancer patients with a Make-A-Wish. They have also been a team for over one hundred years and in that time not only have they won a world series a grand total of 1 time, but they swear their uncle didn’t make the other team lose. But that’s not the point, while it is true that the team’s chances of winning are as sad as a Jane Austin novel where all the main characters get rabies and the kid from Jerry Maguire has to put them all down with a fish hook…The saddest part of the Chicago Cubs existence is their fans.
The average Cubs fan can be found in its natural habitat known as “Wrigleyville”. Don’t let the name fool you, this neighborhood will not make your breath fresh like the gum, unless you like the taste of vomit and pity sex. It is , in fact, a place where there is no word for shame and there’s no such thing as human decency. A place so filled with the ignorant and feculent that the rancid debauchery can be seen from space. The putrid stink of Wrigley Field can be smelled even at the beautiful U.S. Cellular field and the breed of douchebag there is at is highest level of evolution. But don’t take my word for it, lets go over the evidence:
I found all that by google searching “douchebag”. But hey, so what? Only a couple of people use the Internet, right? Now I could be madder at them but its just so…
HILARIOUS!!
I mean what better justice for complete ignorant homophobic racist douchebags, then having the team they emulate and revere LOSE over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again!
Its the funniest thing in the whole wide world, I mean it. And it makes me so happy and you know why? Because its perfect knowing that the sins of the wicked do not go unpunished. Because the look on their faces every week is more beautiful than a newborn baby clothed in a rainbow on a bed of puppies… Because I know that God is just and good. And that makes me happy. Better luck next year Cubbies!!!!!
LOLZ!!!!!
end.
