By 
Win.
1. A banana contains an exceptional amount of potassium. Tim Allen does not.
2. Bananas come in bunches, so that you always have many bananas. Tim Allen does not come in bunches.
3. A banana does not constantly scream out the fact that it is from Michigan. Tim Allen is relentless about fans’ knowledge of his hometown.
4. If a banana was cast as the lead role in The Santa Clause, it would respect the relative success that came with the part and be smart enough to bow out before two embarrassing sequels.
5. A banana has never blown through its success money so quickly that it has to resort to doing voice-overs for Michigan tourisms radio spots.
6. Tim Allen can not be recognized at the grocery checkout by typing in a 4-digit PLU number.
7. A banana has never been arrested for driving with a .15 BAC, and has never been forced to serve one year of probation as a sentence for said crime.
8. A banana’s contents can be easily revealed by peeling away its outer layer; Tim Allen’s dark emotions lay buried deep within layer after sad layer.
9. Tim Allen has never been prominently featured as cover art for a Velvet Underground album.
10. A banana has never had to sign onto a film with several other middle-aged men who collectively scream “Our glory days are over! This is all that we have left!” Oh, and Tim Allen has.
11. Nobody has ever deemed it a worthwhile endeavor to make a series of small, ovular stickers advertising Tim Allen.
12. A banana has never been arrested at Kalamazoo-Battle Creek International Airport for possession of over 1.4 pounds of cocaine.
13. A banana has never ratted out several other known cocaine dealers in order to reduce imprisonment for possession of over 1.4 pounds of cocaine (see #12) from a possible life sentence to a possible three to seven years.
14. A banana has never been parolled after having served 28 months in a federal correctional instituation. For possession. Of over 1.4 pounds of cocaine. (See #12.)
15. Tim Allen has never been prominently featured atop a silly hat.
Win!
